I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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