Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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