I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it because I queefed?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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