So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
