that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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