YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
