I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
