I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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