ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize