Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
