Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Blood and glitter go together right?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize