I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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