Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
