Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
