We named our party play list daddy issues
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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