He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I would ride that face into the sunset
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
