Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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