Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
