Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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