I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
