It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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