He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
