Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
