I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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