all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think my moral compass just broke
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
