Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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