Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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