Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
