remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
