Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
