i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
