Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
