it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
