i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
