ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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