Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
