I murdered the dance floor call the cops
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
