did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
