i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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