We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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