don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
