I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
