guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
