I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
