My friends, they love my intelligence
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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