Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
