Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
