we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
