I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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