Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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