i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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