I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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