Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize