I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
