According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
