maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
