I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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