I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
