i jhust puked up my retainher.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
