After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize