He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
