So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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