we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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