Can Purell be used as lube?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
