You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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