I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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