giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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