I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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