I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she peed on how many people?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
