never play flip cup with pint glasses
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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