Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
