i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
