"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
