just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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