Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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