Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize