I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
