It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
