Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
