i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
is it fun? or sober?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
