He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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