That's when you crack a 10am beer
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
