As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
