you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
