I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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