I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
