She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
we should paint friendship bongs
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
