so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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