I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
