I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
