Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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