CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
