Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
